November 2020

By Gus Wolff

I've been told recently that I exude “main character” vibes. 

I’ve been told recently that it’s just a job. Don’t overthink it.  

I've been told recently that it's okay to lay in bed and do nothing. 

I’ve been told recently that his favorite at Wendy’s is the Baconator® — so I got it.

I've been told recently that my hair looks good — once unsolicited and another time fully solicited. 

I’ve been told recently that I’m way too old to be spending this much time on TikTok.

I've been told recently that he's six weeks old now.

I've been told recently that what I did was out of “self-survival,” and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've been told recently that she's feeling distended again, but she’s also getting better at defending herself.

I've been told recently that I'm "truly psycho” and that’s why he likes me.

I've been told recently that I should “figure out” what I want out of therapy, after

being told that she thought I was going to cancel last week's session.

I've been told recently that I'm "getting better” at online poker — as if that is something to aspire to.

I've been told recently that I should just “let [them] know” if they make me uncomfortable.

I've been told recently that my dad remembers taking his first steps as a child. 

I've been told recently that I could go viral — easily.

I've been told recently that I'm a "work-in-progress" — the label was offered as a sunnier take on 

me saying that I thought I was coming off as "broken."

I've been told recently that I'm a "weather person," and that’s one of the reasons why she adores me. 

I've been told recently that I am not “too much," and that he just needs time to reflect. 

I’ve been told recently that my vote counts — so I took the bus to the booth after my bike got a flat. 

I've been told recently that I seem "manic but fun,” based on my profile and two texts.

I've been told recently that as long as I exercise, I will be happy.

I've been told recently that I could be heard "scurrying about" in the late hours.

I've been told recently that I'm so right with my take on Karen Huger from the Real Housewives of Potomac. 

I've been told recently that I'm too smart for this job, that I should go to law school “or something.”

I’ve been told recently that this is a tough time for everyone, that I should give myself a break.

I've been told recently that I can not break the lease.

I've been told recently that what I did was out of “self-survival,” and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've been told recently that my small talk is “present-focused,” always about the current moment. 

I've been told recently that the spreadsheet I made of every date I've gone on is "weird.”

I’ve been told recently that I “sounded so happy” and so she was not concerned. 

I've been told recently that there is nothing wrong — three flats in one week “just happens sometimes.” 

I've been told recently that there is still room for me at the new house, in case I quit and return home. 

I’ve been told recently that I should do what makes sense to me. Don’t overthink it.

I’ve been told recently to watch The Queen’s Gambit — I’m not going to. 

I've been told recently that I should be reminded of "how HOT and amazing and kind and special" I am. 

I've been told recently that what I did was out of “self-survival.”

I've been told recently that I "fucked with the chill vibe” that he had going on, but that he “deserved it."

I've been told recently that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've been told recently that I sent the exact same shirtless pic yesterday — that I should find "new material."  

I’ve been told recently that I text well — that he can imagine a “real life” conversation with me. 

I recently sent him an audio message, a voice memo, and I think it kind of freaked him out. 

I was asked last month if I was passionate about anything that was not related to intimacy. 

I hate talking about myself right now but I was right about the flats — there was a tiny hole in the tube. 

I was told last year that I seemed “cloudy”— that he could not really “see me.”

I was told yesterday that my eagerness was a “red flag.”

I was told earlier this year that I never ask about what is going on in her life.

I was told last week that I’m such a “good friend” because I made a playlist for her.

And, of course, I’ve been told recently that I should know that what I did was out of “self-survival.”

I told someone recently that I feel most at peace when riding my bike.

I shared with someone that riding my bike is where I feel most: 

mindful — body exerted, heart racing, dodging cars — 

and also where I feel most:

mindless — without access to my phone, to other people, to myself.

He had nothing to say back, he had nothing to tell me regarding this subject. So we just kept walking. 

I’m wondering what “self-survival” means. 

And I’m telling you I have no idea.